The Creepy, Well-Lived In Mansion Currently Full of Fuckery, Saturday Morning

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana had woken up curled up on her pillow. That wasn't exactly unusual, except for how her entire body had been curled up on the pillow. And, instead of a blanket, she'd been covered up by her long, bushy (yet silky and exquisitely groomed) tail.

"...What?"

Her angry demand came out as a high-pitched squeak. Still in English, yes, but hardly her usual throat pitch and tone. "...What?" And then, as if to add a very confusing insult to this very infuriating injury, Liliana realized that she was wearing her usual gown, her headdress, even her boots, but all shrunk down to squirrel size. "what?"

And then she turned to the man in bed with her to demand further information from him, only to discover--

That was not her paramour!

"WHAT??!"

[At first for that guy in bed with her, then open, though with a big chunk of SP right in the middle]

Comments

[chef_chocobro]

Oh, trust him, angry little squirrel, Gildas was just as confused as you were.

Significantly less indigant, of course, but, well, this angry little squirrel was setting that bar particularly high at the moment.

And here he was thinking maybe he'd had quite the night at the tavern to land him in impressive quarters such as these, but now, he was left wondering what sorcery had occurred instead.

"Well," he murmured, in a terribly familiar drawl that clearly had no right coming from such an unfamiliar face, "this is turning put to be quite the unexpected start to a morning, neh?"

Was that a squirrel in exquisite finery? Shouting indignation? Or was he hallucinating or perhaps still drunk or perhaps she'd been bewitched somehow? He supposed he'd find out soon enough, hopefully.

[deathsmajesty]

Actually, that familiar voice made Squirreliana Liliana feel better. Clearly this was some weird island thing that had put them into different bodies, but she and Ignis could figure this out and find some way of fixing it because she was a squirrel and that was insulting.

She ran up onto his chest and said in a full squeak of rage, "Ignis! What in the Abyss is happening?! Have you gone through this before? Who do we murder?"

[chef_chocobro]

Were he any less of a soldier, Gildas may have let out a small sound of surprise when the apparently lady-squirrel made a run of him. He did make an attempt to pull himself back, but was just a little too slow, resulting in an awkward positioning with his shoulders against the headboard and a squirrel on his chest.

And were he a bit more of a man, he might have avoided thr nervous sort of chuckle that followed, but, alas. The situations absurdity alone made it nigh impossible to avoid!

"Well," he stated through the chuckle, "I am always happy to lend my sword to a worthy cause, my lady, especially if the price is right, neh? But I am very sure I have never been through anything like this before..."

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana peered at him. "...Ignis...?" she asked slowly.

His voice, yes, but not his speech patterns. And he certainly didn't call her 'my lady.' Her tiny, beady eyes narrowed, making them much tinier and beadier.

"If you are not my paramour, who are you and why are you in my bed?"

That was hardly a fair question, Liliana. You were a squirrel.

[chef_chocobro]

Gildas was starting to understand that this Ignis was not just some unique curse, but instead a name.

"Well, the first answer," he offered, "is easy. Gildas W. Byrne, recent outcast of the Holy Knights of Xenobia, and all the better for it. As for the second? Well...no offense, Lady Squirrel, but I hope it's not for the usual reason I wake up in a woman's bed..."

Yes, yes, the conversation had suggested that she had not been a squirrel prior to awakening, but of Gildas' skills, few people would put his brains among the best of them.

[deathsmajesty]

Definitely not Ignis then.

"I assure you, Gildas W. Byrne, that had I taken you to bed for 'the usual reasons,' you would remember it and remember it well," she informed him haughtily, since that was absolutely the most important thing to clarify right now, A+ priorities, Liliana. "As it is, when my paramour and I retired for the night, I was a woman and he was...not you!"

Purple fire wreathed her hands as she stalked up to him. Thank Gaia, her magic was still working. "You have 10 seconds to convince me you are as much a victim as I..."

Liliana, pls.

[chef_chocobro]

Oh, so not just an irate squirrel, but an irate squirrel sorcerer, was it, then?

"Now, now, now," Gildas chided, holding up a placating hand, "there's no need to go bringing magic into this, at least not more than it already has been, neh?"

He had to admit, he was a little curious, what kind of damage this usually-not-a-squirrel sorcerer could actually do, but she was awfully close to his face right now. Gildas might not value much, but his roguish good looks did actually make that list.

"So let's just take a moment and sort this out calmly, neh? You have woken up as a squirrel, with your paramour...this...Ignis, correct? Missing. And instead, you somehow have me in his place."

The temptation was there to make a compliment her on the obvious upgrade, but his brains weren't that hopeless.

"Is that the jist of it? We're all caught up to speed, yeah?"

[deathsmajesty]

Oh, he had jokes. Wise of him not to say them out loud.

"Yes," she admitted reluctantly, purple fire fading. "That it as it stands."

[chef_chocobro]

"Mmm." Gildas hummed a little thoughtfully, mostly because he hadn't yet gotten past that point or what he was going to do with it quite yet. To be perfectly honest, he hadn't been very confident it would have worked.

"Do you know of anyone you've wrong, recently," he tried, "that might've tried exacting revenge by somehow turning you into a squirrel and spiriting away your love?"

And don't worry, Lady Squirrel, he was certainly going through a list of his most recent enemies as well, to think of who might wish to torture him by foisting him, unexpected, onto a temperamental and no doubt soon to be love-forlorn sorcerer-turned-rodent.

[deathsmajesty]

"How recently are we talking?" Liliana snarked, considering she had just been chased by a torch-wielding mob. "I'm sure it's just an island thing, though." Her tiny little face darkened. "It had better be. Or else I will be most...cross."

And her being cross usually involved a body count.

[chef_chocobro]

Oh, yes, we are all very terrified and frightened, little squirrel sorcerer...

"What do you mean?" Gildas asked. "An island thing?"

[deathsmajesty]

SHE WAS VERY SCARY!! SHE WOULD FIGHT YOU!! SHE COULD COMMAND HORDES, YOU KNOW!

...Hordes of very tiny, adorable grubs, but whatever.

"This is a magic island," Liliana said wearily. "With a trying sense of humor."

You know, like some people in the room.